2003-07-11 - 3:25 a.m.
Belonging nowhere in this whole big bad wide world...
Not belonging anywhere, not here, not there but nowhere....
Well, I managed to live thru Thursday which I personally think is a great achievement though besides getting into trouble with my mum...dun really want to tok about it lahz, I mean I have been quarrelling with her for like x.X two days and everytime we have a 'counselling' session, I thought she understood me better but apparently not. She was scolding me yesterday for staying back in sch to study.....like o.0! Apparently I give others bad impression....hello? I am abit hazy about that...
oh yeah then choir..I am already having problems with it, hence I do not need my mum to bug me about it. I stayed back yesterday for practice but I feel that I am no longer part of them...I don't have the bonding anymore...I don't feel welcomed? Honestly, even if they say I am still part of them, sighz things will never be the same becos they look at me differently, I am like no long a choir member but an outsider...As in like when I wanna tok about something, their minds are elsewhere..helpful right? One of the primary reasons why I stayed in AJC was becos of my love for choir but even that it is going down the drain....erm...I dun think I am suppose to gripe about it becos itz my fault....I made one damn mistake and I have to live with it...I mean sometimes I wish I could lead my life a little more untangled..I mean why me?..Why must I take this bad call? WHy must I live with this hard decision? BUt I am sure others are facing Life just as bad as me...
Well, if I don't belong to the choir, then I don't belong to the sc? o.0 actually if I seriously got down(which I am planning to do) it will be okay... So then wassup with it? Well the internal elections are coming and I don't mind running for an exco post but however, there is alot of stress and tons of boot-licking.. Anywayz, there are better people than me that could do the job..haix...I dunno what I honestly want, and if it is God's Will, then so be it. Darn! I hope mum would at least be merciful to me in that area...I got a lot on my back and she needn't add to it...
oh yeah...notice how we like warping events to make it seem more u koe, interesting? Well mum is fond of doing that, accounts for y she wanted to be a lawyer last time....so she most probably told Dad the misconstrued version of what happened....often putting herself in the right and I am so so so...well terribly ought-to-burn-in-hell person...yeah, so while I was already sleeping, Dad came into the room and wanted to 'talk' to me...very nice timing i must admit...I was like cold so getting my jacket then he said Are you coming out? Hello? I was SLEEPING! So i said I have been sleeping since 9.30 and I am having a headache and then I promptly fell asleep. I was very tired...With a Life like that, I prefer to be asleep so I can be immune to it.
Anywayz a small note to the people out there, I am seldom online now because my mum is obessed over a word game on the computer, hence she hogs the pc the whole day except for wee hours of the morning...thats why I am here...and not there..so I guess our online conversations have to be halted unless my mum miraculously got kicked out by the pc....haix..
Sorry if I am pissed and yeah, I know you will form opinions of me but haix....just try to put urself into other's shoes..like Ren Rong, Marilyn, Chewy and Johnson...their lives are different from mine but we still face stress from all areas, obstructions and problems...
Not to mention I also did badly for my Common Tests... F-O-D-D... my grades.. Needless to say I flunked maths beyond redemption..but chem, well...I didn't exactly study but thats no excuse...Haiz..Sighz!... I am so wallowing in self-pity...I must get out of this never-ending spiralz... Darn!Hopefully things will pick up.. Miracles are welcome and I am going to need to catch a lot of falling stars to save and use it for all my rainy days. Going to quote dear old Emerson
again...
My Life is for itself and not for a spectacle.
I much prefer that it should be a lower strain so it be genuine and equal than that it should be glittering and unsteady.
I wish it to be sound and sweet and not to need bleeding.
Hence here it goes
LIFE SUXS
SUCCESS COMES WHEN DETERMINATION IS SET AND THE WORLD LEFT BEHIND!
Okay....and wassup wif this guy...well, He is not bad...then capable.. :D
WHAT TYPE OF WILD CREATURE ARE YOU? (New Pictures!)
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ooh....a snake...Alex is so not going to be pleased about it...hahah! She likes Slytherin and shes okay wif snakes..foxes, wolves...eagles.. I like horses because of their freedom eagles cos of their powerful means of flight and their majesty...I realised I like animals and things associated wif freedom, no bonds...I have been feeling oppressed then since Pri sch?
What color are you? (Anime Pictures)
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Wassup manz? heezz.... XD Oh no! Itz already 4.46 and i haven't done anything for sch! I need to plan the seating arrangement for the investiture...
Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
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Fine I admit this is true but sometimes I wonder if I want a bf because I want to mask my pains?...Hahahz....well Life's mysterious...For the next one, I have to be Neo simply because I am realli a Neo...lame..
You are Trinity, from "The Matrix."
Strong, beautiful- you epitomize the ultimate
heroine.
What Matrix Persona Are You?
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Hey Trinity is not bad! Girl power manz! XD! Yay!....but ultimately I got to be captured by baddies...But hey, I know I've got it!
My Inner Age
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OKay, and what is this about...?!?!?...Imaginary friend named Larry? I have toys?!?!....I think this thing has a temperment...Anywayz...I belong to clubs but they are not secret.. right VJEM?
congratulations, you're victor gomez, you ska-smart
rudeboy you!!! we all know that you're a bit of
a voyear and love music, but also can't make up
your mind if your life depended on it. and WHO
was mr. boo hoo goth boy freshman year?
(i'm so misunderstood!!! why???
whhhhiiiiieeeeyyyy????)
which *blue monday* character are you?
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FOUR LETTERS---O-K-A-Y..
Which [Movie Genres] are you?
Look at above response to prev quiz for comments....
Which [Rainbow Colours] are you?
Okay...what again!!?!?...I used okay again! Hahahz =\ I am violet....oooooooooooooh....class and elegance...
Which [Seven Dwarfs] are you?
i AM hAPPY.... one look to top it of... XD
Which [5 Elements] are you?
Wadeva....
wELL my morning of quizzes has ended...God Bless Everybody...