2003-07-18 - 8:58 p.m.
[email]Ah Beng's Day
AH BENG'S Day!....
Another version of sars for you - this time from Ah Beng who has turned poet.
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Aiyoh-yoh, the news nowadays are really bad,
many people are dying of SARS it's so very sad.
Doctors and nurses work very "siong" and very tough,
I hope they don't complain that their salary no
enough.
They no care whether you're rich or just a simple Ah
Beng
suspect you're infected, kena send straight to Tan
Tock Seng.
If exposed to SARS they give you 10-day quarantine,
kena stay at home, no food to eat, just drink
Ovaltine.
Now if you anyhow cough or spit in public place,
people all "chow" from you like running a race.
The illness has even gone to West from East;
also know how to migrate, this smart disease.
Here we're scared the foreigners will dare not come,
though we're very friendly and mean them no harm.
This will be really bad for our weak economy,
and graduates will end up selling Hokkien Mee.
Or run around the streets selling masks;
this type of business sure won't go bust.
But looking at gals will no longer be any fun;
all covered, cannot see their pretty face one.
Now I received a lot of tips from sms,
each telling me their advice is the best.
One say I should not wear SARong or SARi,
but wanna buy new clothes, where got money?
Tao SAR Pao I also should not eat;
donno why, maybe it's got no meat.
Also I should avoid going to the SARabat stalls;
this one where got logic, I really catch no ball.
Another say it's good to drink plenty of SARsi;
drown all the viruses, then quickly go and pee.
One warned if I don't listen it's my own paSAR,
but so much advice which one to follow lah?
I hope they identify the culprit and find a cure fast;
if not, we'll all join the earthworms and become dust.
But down here you'll end up in an urn
because cannot bury so all must burn.
If you got fever or cough, go see doctor quick;
don't wait until you are Sick, Ah ... Really Sick.
Otherwise, you're really a "SARbo" king,
so big already also donno how to think.
But living on earth we'll always face the risk
from the tiny germ, the world's first terrorist.
Some say SARS is Saddam's All-out Retaliatory
Strategy,
He kena damn "chiat lat", so want the whole world to mati
=======================================
'AH BENG ENCOUNTERS'
Encounter 1
At a bar in New York, a man and his friend walks in almost at the
same time as Ah Beng and they sit next to Ah Beng. The man tells
the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." and his companion said,
"JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender turned to Ah Beng and asked, "AND YOU, SIR?" Ah Beng
trying to play cool...replied: "TAN AH BENG, MARRIED."
Encounter 2
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite
sometime, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a
friend. "Wah Lau, it took me only 5 MONTHS to do it," Ah Beng said.
"FIVE MONTHS? Why did you take so long." the friend asked.
Ah Beng replied, "No, not long at all, look at the box, it says...
4 to 7 years!"
Encounter 3
Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt Competition. During the
Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the
letter 'G'.
The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!". Others exclaim, "No, its Grape
Juice!" Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!"
Host : "Quiet please."
Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon
man, I dounch need their help. I got more original answer". "My
answer is Guni!" (milk in Hokkien)
Encounter 4
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it when he
encountered some problems. After a few attempts, he decided to use
the 'Help' command.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer shop
for support.
Ah Beng said "What man, I pressed the 'F1' key for help as the
instruction says... but Wah Lau, it's been over an hour & still
nobody came to help me....what kind of service is this man!"
Encounter 5
In the class. Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother, loh"
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure... Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and
mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother
is Cow Boo. So if they walk together, we can say they are Cow Pay
Cow Boo".
Encounter 6
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him
what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a
shirt and the phone ring lor- but instead of picking up the phone,
I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So Kena
lor!"
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened
to the other ear?"
Ah Beng: "That stupid fellow called back again loh!"
Encounter 7
A neighbour sees Ah Beng going to a movie with18 of his friends!
He asks..."Beng...Wah, so many people...celebrating an occasion
with your friends, is it!"
Ah Beng replies..."Aiyah...Boh Pian lor...because according to the
>>advertisement, under 18 not allowed to go in, leh!"