2003-09-08 - 12:41 a.m.
Forget me..I am not worth it
Yo listen up heres a story about a little girl who messed up her whole world...
She came into JC full of hopes and dreams...her aspirations high, her ideals high, her confidence great as she knew the future was bright before her...
But she messed it up.
Down the road.. 8 mths have passed and she hasn't been truly happy for her own worth..she lies and pretends, feigning that everything is okay, but she has never been truly happy... She thought she could do it, she believe she was smart but her results proved otherwise..
Where did her self-confidence go?
I am blue duba di duba da
So her life rolls on and settles like residue..she is given wings but refuses to fly because she has no knowledge on how to fly..her history haunts her.. her dissapation blinds her
Where were her dreams of yesterday? Did they burn and crumble like dust, to be blown into the wind and mixed with the sands of time?
Why does her heart cry? to every stranger out there? Do you think you really know her? Is she even worth getting to know better? Is she worth it? U say yes..is it out of politeness? Or the girl in there is really the girl u wanna meet?
Do u see her mask?
She spend years sculpturing, chiselling it with the memories of polar ice that fear has sharpened in her.. she is not who she truly is.. do u want to find the real girl?
But u can't.
Because she is buried below the layers of deceit, lies and failures.. She is there..but she must strip and purify herself..before she can show u her worth..so that when she sees her reflection..she doesn't see darkness..she koes shes got it..but why can't she do it?
The reason elludes her like an imp mocking a desperate knight..She can nv tell why..she believes she can do..she koes she can..she has done it before..
But why not now?
Her friends don't really see it that way... but she koes...and she wants to get there... but something is holding her back!
What?
Get behind me satan because your way is not God's way...
She has become a different person.. where is God in her Life? Where are her morals? the very principles she govern her Life by? Are they gone? Eradicated? Because she decides the best way is to conform herself to the world? Some girl..
I don't admire her.. I don't think highly of her.. I think she is a failure..
I love the other girl I once knew..I loved her the very moment she set her goals and aimed high.. I loved her for the way she lived her Life..so full of herself so confident so vivacious everything that I am not...She had God with her and everything was okay..She didn't think she was perfect but yet everyone respected her for who she was..
Look at me.. a broken person..a nobody..a Life that is being wasted.. I'm moping here cos I envy her..that girl could never be me now..and yet she was once a part of me..
That girl is me.
And I sit here crying and wondering, knowing my Life still meanders on, not caring if I fail not caring if I die..I will just remain part of history..the history no one knows..dying unloved and not remembered..thats me..
Friends don't be fooled into thinking u know the real me.. the day u do..u must have known me in sec 4.. u must have been Thai Nguyet Minh.. she knows the other girl I have locked up and left behind...
That girl is gone and I can't find her..Time is slowly ticking away and I am dying without her..
Where were those days of my love of history? Where I loved the past? When did my love of physics become extinguished? When did chem turned into a predator? Maths has always been my weakest link yet my fondness for it grew..but now it has burst like a needle on a bubble..
My personal source of motivation is gone
My own pride and self-esteem is down the drain
Are you sure you wanna know the girl who messed up her Life?
Some Life..
Some girl.. Forget her..