2003-10-24 - 12:36 a.m.
Spice up ur Life and that thing called Love that Tears u down
I've always promised to update..but lately theres really nothing to update.. I've been unhappy with some people.. for no good reason.. influence but also i just am being swirled in a vortex of emotions.. and even if I swear I am voided.. I still gush and still dream...
Everyone is so sad these days.. u have all the crushes coming up... and u have those morbid cruel things called promo results..yeahz.. wondeful.. even 05 is not tt chirpy.. and yeah this sadness sort of bogs me down.. and how can I be happy when people are sad??? Itz so unethnical.. yeahz.. so I do try my best.. I am the shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen, the body to hug(STRICTLY FOR GIRLS), basically tts all I can offer besides my heart... So I am sorry if sometimes I can't fully be there for u.. cos I am being split up.. and I really don't have the right words to sy.. I can only be there physically for u, spiritually and emotionally.. But I just got to let u koe tt I'm always there..
Well, update on me? Ermz, I still like him alot but I am trying to give him up.. and half my heart is saying no.. and trying to remember those times we spent together.. those times when it seemed worth it.. him doing pull-ups, him answering my questions, him talking to me like a human, him saying hi to me... It seems so far away now.. and I just sit here.. mulling to myself while listening to techno music.. yes, I can't forget him.. he has changed so much of me? Him or Voldemort? Hmz, well...both. The experience has been rather enriching but now every morning I wake up with the feeling I don't need a guy... even when I go to school, I try to treat homework like eye-candy.. I don't even say hi.. i sms but he doesn't reply at times.. esp when it is not needed.. and I don't really feel sad cos I don't need him to feed tt emotional hunger.. cos simply it is not there.. when u mature in a crush, u basically am fulfilled in everyway.. in my opinion that is.. and yes, I don't know if I should tell him, people say do.. but rmb Marilyn what u said? Only people who have not done it says to do whereas those who have done it tells u pls do not regret after committing this foolish things... Maybe I shouldn't be so selfish talking all about him but yeah.. he doesn't even clog up my mind in school.. I don't really care about him but he got 10 in the whole level for physics.. isn't he smart? For promos somemore.. when Mr Neo read his name, I was like itz Homework! And I was so happy for him! thats why I was smiling through the whole of PE and I didn't care with what guys I had to dance with for the cha-cha even if it was Jared.. cos only one guy mattered to me... but he can never know how much joy I felt for him.. He is so smart and so... well..yes... oh people, i can never tell u the state of my heart.. u never saw the bleeding, yet I'm sure our hearts have all bled in unison before..u never saw the silent slicing of the heart, yet we have all borne the scars of the knife sharp points.. yes, Love.. this elusive thing.. This very thing that can cause Happiness and the Downfall of Mankind.. the game like gambling, with delirious process, semi-states of euphoria, mind-crunching times of decisions, crazed actions that defy reason and diverse consequences of both extremes... this thing... which some people build the very base of their foundations on...
I have loved in passion and in vain.. but what is true love?
I drive myself crazy at times.. all the times..
And yes, I finally found someone I have the same frequency with.. itz totally awesome.. cos its like having someone with the same intelligence frequency as u..able to communicate with u and hold the same topics to u so dear to their hearts... itz like this soulfriend thing... rare isn't it? Only thing is I hope familiarity DOES not breed contempt...cos well, we are beginning to know each other better and he is a great guy with a strong willpower.. and a sense of self-aversion.. itz like I found somebody who can argue with me.. debate about topics like philosophy... and well being homework's fren did help him but yeah.. hes a nice guy... and our character really clash alot..hahah and so itz not like with like each other but we can become good friends.. over MSN of course.. talking in school is too dangerous.. do u koe how many people are inclined to come up with scndals every one sec? Amazing.. yeah like Wei Yang and I having scandal again.. in council..like great lor.. cos we played carrom together again and I beat him twice! Today! I feel very happy.. there is this holistic thing u get out of beating the SC Carrom guru... And I'm supposed to play with Russell one day.. ONE DAY huh? yeahz.. So yupz..thats about much of this friend..
And 26 played 05 soccer on Tuesday.. well there were only three girls who supported.. Chewy, Char and I cheered for 26.. till I think 05 kinda of felt jealous no one was cheering for them.. although NONE of them who ever admit to doing so.. and 05 can go so far as to say tt 26 pia cos they wanted to impress the girls.. yeah right.. where huh? And u koe what 26 doesn't care if they dun win, cos they showed class spirit.. cmon lor.. Jerry came down even if his foot was injured and scored a goal too... and ermz.. Yandao came down too! And Jiayin after her ODAC.. u koe the power of 26.. and what Russell said..Victoria, u seemed so enthu for 26 tt it sort of made ur existance in 15 rather doubtful.. and yet u don't seem to go the way of 26.. so u r neither 26 nor 15.. yeah I Belong to first 3 mths 2303 forever! and ever and ever... and what else happened during the match? well 26 was rather uncordinated.. not much preparation and couldn't really feel each other.. 05 was more organised cos they practise as a class more? And fine, I admit Jason Goh is a fab defender and Irving too! :D... yupz..and Gabriel is the best 2603 soccer player? for tt day lahz.. the rest I think were strezzed? And yeah, they drew.. oh well next week continue the match.. i'm like the official organiser of this match lor.. wat is this?.. Anyway, at least I didn't have to perform hara-kiri and neither did Rus but he has full confidence tt 05 will beat 26 next wk... and yeah cwc pizzed me off.. hmz.. but today he was ok.. maybe cos all i asked him was wat we doing for econs..
Gera didn't come today... luckily she didn't since nothing much happened.. except the fab news about homework but yea tts all.. and PE.. ermz..besides being happy for only one guy but I was getting quite worried about turning clockwise cos i was going to pass Voldemort..and hold his hand!?!? I don't know how he was going to react to tt.. yeah so i was panicking already..i would really rather face Jared than him.. realli! and I was panicking to Kelvin and Kelvin told me to change partners but i reckoned it would be too wierd and yeah so I just braced myself..although going thru the guys b4 him was a torture and I was trying to wear a mask tt I didn't care.. and when i twirled to him.. I just looked at him and down.. with my hands outstretched.. and yeah waiting for his reaction.. and I dunno about his face cos I never realli caught it..but he exude this ermz.. well ok feeling and sort of likewriggled his fingers to signal like come on.. and I just did the dance with him.. and ermz.. yeah he was quite nice about it, not cold at all.. and ermz.. yeah Thanks Voldie.. hahahz... it was a nice gesture but things will never be the same again...
And I always wanted to write about 05..but never really got down.. 05 is not as what i expected them after i observed them during the soccer match.. went down several notches.. the 05 i envisioned wasn't exactly the one I knew now.. and yes, I know like all the guys in their class except for Branson.. the rest i can tell u abit about them.. but not here not now...cos Alex wanna sleep again.. so we will leave it to later..
And I highly recomment Bowling for Columbine! itz a fantastic thought-provoking show and I just love it.. itz truly fantastic! Go watch it! Its great and I pity the Americans.. living in fear every single minute of their lives, implosive and yes, scared to their pants....