2004-03-12 - 8:31 p.m.
8 March :: Until we meet again
Hmz... hello.. I never really updated on my Life since last Monday 1 March when I went to church to cry with Emerson at my side...
At that day, that hour that moment In life, I sort of consecrated my great grandma to God... the mere rememberance of her previous self.. now seeing her reduced and morphed back into a young child broke my heart.....her once fit and healthy body being watsed into a shallow weak body realli was too much for me to bear... I just kept crying and crying..and kept kissing her..
Of course which brings me to the fact it was my great grandma who looked after me when I was a baby...who brought me to school just because I refused to go to sch w/o someone I knew...call me spoilt but she had to take the sch bus with me when I went to kindergarden.. and hmz..tho she did hurt my family... she is still family.. she was well a wonderful cook.. I will realli miss her food!!! I miss her alot...
She's a wonderful woman..she was the second wife of an Admiral.. and yep the first wife died.. The navy guy was seldom at home.. so she had to work and support the family.. she set up a salon.. and was the only one in Punggol during Jap Occupation.. hmz..she was born in 1913.. isn't she old manz? Ripe old age.. so cos she din have any children of her own.. they die at an early age.. she adopted alot of children.. and worked long hours from six to eight at night.. and she also looked after her poor neighbours.. during difficult times when there were loansharks who demanded protection money she managed to defy them.. she lend pple money and some who din repay her.. she went to ask for it back and the wife gt the husband to yell at her.. those who cannot afford to pay back she just closed an eye to it.. sighz.. she was a real business woman.. and she even managed to raise enuff money to send my two grand uncles to study in Australia..all from the tiny salon shop called Gay King salon aka Gek Keng Salon..the english translation was gay king.. dun ask me why.. but shes quite a gd hairstylist and my grandma was chief hairstylist there.. my grandma was my great grandma step daughter.. she was the daughter of the first wife...anyway my great grandma was the oldest person in the Toh clan..the guys had all died and thus she was the First Lady of the Toh clan..
Anyway, I sort of let her go last MOnday when I went to Novena church to cry... act last yr I read a story in the Chicken soup for the soul and made me miss my grandma and thot I shuld start kissing her.. at that time she was still well and active..but I felt I shuld start showing that I appreciate her alot by hugging and kissing her..glad she liked it..even at the hospital she smiled when I kissed her which was alot.. and she rmbed abit of me.. and she gave this like surprised and real happy smile when I kissed her.. I also combed her hair.. sighz.. but she realli hallucinated badly and mum said its during this period when they see the netherworld.. I was real scared cos she was toking to people who have long gone and staring up at the different corners of the room.. and its like realli scary if u can feel something..
Anyway:: 8 March 2004:: Until we meet again
She died early in the morning ard 2m to 3 am.. with no one ard.. I was still awake.. was toking to Emerson till 1.30 am...I visited her the day b4 but she was heavily sedated and slept when I was there.. I kissed her as she slept.. he was breathing heavily...
8 March MOnday morning.. woke up to the fact Mum and Dad weren't there..and at the hospital... and they came home with the news..I just burst into tears and we went to the hospital..and it seems so quiet.. it was a C class wrd so there were others who also like u koe it isn't a hospice..but the morning.. there was death in the air..it was like some deathly silence.. and I went and saw my great grandma there...wasted with years.. dad and alex didn't touched her..but I kissed her good bye..she felt cold.. and I just cried all the way...and told Emerson she has passed to the Gray Havens.. I thank people for asking me if I was all right.. was feeling damn sad.. altho I tried not to let it known lahz.. I tried to smile but people said I look ready to burst into tears...Emerson said honour thru respect and not sadness...
Well for the wake..I didn't go on Tuesday.. but Monday I went when the cortege arrived... she looked so diff from the morning..and she looked so old and worn out in the supposed makeover..i cried again.. and was real scared to look into the coffin again.. so for the next few days I couldn't cry.. but today before the uneral I just cried and cried..I was glad I could cry...and not bottle it.. I just thot of all the those times.. how I gave her the last or first kiss in well her living and dead state...And from monday... it started raining.. like a sign of God.. seeing IJ compos we always put and when she died, the heavens spilled open its deluge, crying for her...
But today the weather held..and din rain during the funeral.. realli glad for it..like its a time to smile again...
And Great-Grandma.. until we meet again...