Thursday, Sept. 16, 2004 - 12:44 a.m.
Please God, I will
Hello one and all.. I'm brazenly typing this in the morning, with my peaked cap hanging over my eyes.. literally translating that I look like a vagabond.. more like a chimney sweep like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins..
Anyway, its been like forever since I've come online...even the touch of the keyboard feels foreign and alien.
Had an excellent dinner.. mum made lasagna =) yummy, it was a treat.. i think its astonishing how my mum conjures all these mouth-watering treats..plus she made a new kind of cheese filling which was sublime.. its much better than just mozerella cheese on its own...
I'm toking to a primary sch fren now... seems like... I never believe that frenship can be forever... but wat can be said?.. Haha I never like feeling inferior but now I do... ok I was toking to her.. perhaps we have lost the chem but yeah, its to be expected.
And that must so concidentally happen on a day I was thinking abt losing frenz.. whether thru separation or wat but still, it came hitting me down hard, esp hearing abt rat-faced gurl..yeah she was from my pri and sec school. I know her frenz, they know me.. we maintain zero tolerance.. in fact, if Russell had asked them if they knew Victoria, they would most prob jeer at him... or is tt my imagination? But she still has her frenz, I don't even really keep contact with my IJ frenz.. cos my excuse is I move on and make new ones.. But it really hurts me how 'cold' my fren was just now?... maybe she is tired.. I won't brood...
But the page is fresh.. the night is young, dusk..ideal for brooding..wheres everyone? Hopefully in bed.
I wonder how many are gonna die today?
Hmz, GP teachers supposedly ask intellectually-challenging questions to provoke us to think and make a difference... too bad I've gone emotionless to be indifferent to the world.. I think we should all just die.. and go somewhere out to chill..
OK, I'm toking nonsense.. my mum always told me to shut up...esp if I slp too much cos I wanna remain in neverland a little longer..
0.o sheesh! Why cant I be like the mere mortals who don't clutter up their brain with such thoughts?
Stupid people.
Ignorance is bliss tho Leon says its real meaning is being diluted..wat its real meaning is I can't rmb.. but if I choose, I will get up and walk out of this house.
Ok, whining is starting.. pls turn to another page.
I just feel like going out to the ocean and bare my soul, join the leaves in their whisper.. to flow in the river of blood and skulk in the night. But I choose cos its my duty, to walk in the Light, keep my soul, laugh merrily... float on the river of dreams and race in the light.
I mean like how stupid can I get?
If I'm not bounded by my duty to like the people in my Life, if I could just walk free, I would take the choice of walking out of each and every one of your lives..
And get out of this place as fast as i can.. I don't need an education in this grey-washed walls of a place you call your second home.. or even wat you lovingly refer to as homeland..or this continent which you fondly embrace as your race... yeah. ANd I eat at hawker centres.. WHY does everyone think I have to condescend and eat there? I'm just penniless and broke.. I don't have parents that will give me $500 to buy a hp.. I'm poor, face it.. its just that I HATE to waste time eating and bathing... why do I stay so skinny? I hate eating and making my mind up wat to eat.. even when I do make up my mind, I figured it isn't worth the trouble and skip my meals.. OKAY? well, except mum's meals.. yummy plus she would slap me if I don't eat so duh...
And I would go the the fathomless recesses of the sea, the deepest crevices of mountains.. the hearts of the jungles and woods.. and LIVE there..so that my life is forever a journey and a learning experience? When did people decide to settle down and work for fun? That must have been the day the music died..
And with regards to the banter going on at Sara's blog ( and no, she won't read this... we don't know each other).. I'm a JC student and I think JC students are stupid and losers.. but I think everyone living in the miserable delusion tt they are happy in this world are also stupid and losers. And why the hell would people want to study in S'pore? Like how does University of Oxford or Cambridge compare to A University of Singapore... which by chance also means ANUS? ok haha pt.. like pls, smart pple do not stay here in singapore and work happily for the 'garment'.. smart people leave and get an overseas education. Even RJCians rush to get out the applications forms to apply for overseas unis which closes this 30th Oct.. and their teachers willingly and openly help them.. how many DAMN schools like AJC CJC ACJC TJC do that? So wats it say? Smart people leave at once, stupid people wither here.
And why am I still here? Cos
1) I'm not smart enuff
2) I don't have the finances or my brother will have to live on the street
Happy?
So fine... I would love to travel ard the world forever (whether alone or with another) and go ard making documentaries and notes on
1) Animals, I like zoology and hate bio.. and do some conservation projects
2) People, I like History and Philosophy and do those stuff on cultures and human behaviour
3) Nature, I like photography and take pictures of the Nature that is soon lost to the money-driven world.
4) World's Structures...same as photgraphy and take the peaks of Man
And of course, I need to know how to make films right? SO lets check I want 1)Zoology 2) Marine Biology 3) History 4) Philosophy 5) Photography 6) Film-making
I'm taking 1) Physics 2) Econs 3) Maths
I'm stupid... and I hate stupid people.
WHy are you all SO SO SO afraid to get off your bums, leave your comfort zone and DO wat you really want? Most of you have passions for things you don't study and most likely will never pursue cos it won't yield money?
You are losers ( I'm included)
Face it, one day, I'm gonna walk out on each of your lives.. not becos I hate you, but becos the world out there is waiting for me to explore it.
Can I do it?
Please God, I will