Friday, Feb. 18, 2005 - 10:41 p.m.
Fifth Day... the Hell brings no joy
Heyz! Fifth day incommunicado and it rained.. heavily.. not once but THREE TIMES! Sorry I din pray hard enuff russell.. =(.. sighz and my cousin and I took like 1 hr to get a cab to get to Thomson nursery.. cos it kept raining.. no cabs..plus nd to make Zion slp and wait for mum to finish cooking so can look after Zion. =) And we had so much fun in the nursery tho she was questioning abt my bf.. ooh wellz.
I dunno I'm getting very very pissed wif my mum.. everything I do seems to be screwed up for her.. I just didn't sit lady like today in front of her.. she scolds me.. and I said I want to be a guy.. then she gets mad.. tells my dad 'OTHER PEOPLE children help them when they are in trouble.. our children just bring in more trouble.' You know Oh WOW! I'm like SO SORRY I caused u so much trouble.. but in the first place u undertook the trouble upon yourself.. U WANT TO HELP ME FIND A JOB! YOU WANT TO RULE MY LIFE! YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHO TO DATE! YOU WANT TO CTRL EVERY LITTLE THING I DO! And a single form of rebellion such as retorting your baseless insults are viewed with ok you need a slap cos u are getting rude. Thanks for everything. Thanks for reminding me everyday that I dun owe u a living. NEITHER DO I! In the first place, I did not ask to be born from u.. I DID NOT CHOOSE TO BE UR DAUGHTER! SO stop whining.. every little thing I do is not enough for u.. so stop bothering me! DO u see that everything I do is to get away from u? Travelling ard the world etc is to get away from u.. sighz just got slapped. Whoopee! And its like I cant tell her why I hate and detest her so much. WHy every little control she has on my life makes me feel its her Life I'm leading and not mine.. why she even wants to choose my bfs.. wow..I mean in the end I might just marry to spite her and get out of this shithole. And I would not want to listen to any in-laws either.. 19 years and still counting under the yoke.. wth.. for the rest of my life.. LEAVE ME ALONE! I hate getting slapped and I hate the fact I love you cos I fear u. But U dunno and U dun care. And U would nv leave me alone.. And I hate the fact u keep saying U are gonna die soon.. if u want then pls stick to it instead of preaching. I just hate u for running my life.. sure u din tell me wat to study, u left it to me. But ccas u picked 'cept for council and choir.. JC u picked.. EVEN when I cried so hard and begged not to go to AJC.. u forced me... I realli shouldn't be airing dirty linen in public.. but I tell that I'm going to get out of your Lives and the day is soon.
='( I miss him. Alot.