Sunday, Feb. 27, 2005 - 7:45 p.m.
And everything and everything..
Hmz... I'm feeling sort of jealous now.. tho I know I'm nt supposed to be.. sighz my sister just got checked out by a guy on the street..some 20 yr old malay guy.. um who kept asking for her number...
Now he might be a dangerous pervertic man..or anything.. but yeah.. I nv got checked out b4.. um its a girl's thing but yeah it stings.. I nv said my sister was prettier than me.. but yeah I'm jealous.. cos mayb i sort of find her worthy to be my opponent.. I just dunno.. but I'm pretty jealous and sighz.. another thing I hate being a girl.. cos I know I look better as a guy..
I hate being pretty cos I'm not..
I hate being beautiful cos I'm not..
I hate being myself cos I'm not..
And yes, I feel very inferior to my sister. She seems to have life cut out for her.. only thing withstanding is no boyfriend.. but yeah, she gets good grades.. she chooses a good sch.. she gets good testimonials.. she chooses the right combinations.. her teachers say she is promising..(well, no one has ever told me tt)..She is gonna do 4 subjects and 2 S papers..unlike her failure sister.. she is pretty.. she has guys chasing her by the dozens.. She is like..
Fine.. she has everything.. I dun.. I koe she is gonna do well in the future.. prob bringing the bacon to the family.. She is gonna be a workaholic.. gonna be happily married to some rich successful guy.. and live happily ever after.. with all happiness and riches.. and my parents' favourite over malcolm.
One thing why I wanna leave this puny country and leave my family behind.. cos I realli feel like a failure.. I mean so since I'm being a failure.. why dun I just leave.. sure u all might think its running away.. but I'm also making way for my sister.. and I won't be some stupid black sheep. Sure, I might be successful too.. but yeah.. I still will be inferior.. and I won't want the discord.. And everything and everything..